Monday, February 18, 2013

{Hope for the Home} Linky Party: The Ministry of Presence

This past weekend, my daughters hosted a sleepover for nine of their friends. Actually, this was the second of what appears to have become an annual event for our family, and we ended up nearly doubling the guest list as well as extending the festivities for an additional six hours compared to last year.

Getting ready cost me extra cleaning time, as well as time for shopping, cooking, and baking. It also cost a fair amount of extra money to buy food to feed all those girls for three meals and a rather substantial "tea party." It cost my husband and me a lot time and effort to supervise and guide the girls from early Friday evening through mid-afternoon on Saturday. And it cost us all clean-up time afterward.

But I wouldn't have it any other way.

Way back when my girls were toddlers, a Titus 2 woman in my life advised me to make my home a place where my kids and their friends would want to hang out. She noted that, while I'd likely be able to trust my kids' well-being in the homes of a few other families, I'd be wise to nurture relationships with my children and their friends so they'd choose to be in our home more often than not. I'd know they were safe, and I'd be available to provide necessary guidance and direction. She said it'd be easier to allow them to gather elsewhere - but, of course, wise isn't always easy.

She was right, of course.

I'm not a big fan of sleepovers in general. I know from my own childhood that they can be great fun. But I know from personal experience that the conversations and activities at such events aren't always wholesome, healthy, or God-honoring. And, sadly, I also know that sleepovers can sometimes be fodder for luring kids into hurtful, soul-damaging encounters.

I would, indeed, trust my girls to playdates and even sleepovers at the homes of a couple of close family friends. Of course, even then I err on the side of caution by asking lots of questions about planned activities and how the parents expect to be involved. But the beauty of hosting an event in my home is that I already know the answers - and I know my girls (and their friends) will be safe...body, mind, and soul.

It's not that my husband and I hover; in fact, we let our daughters take the lead in terms of directing the flow of an event they host. At the sleepover, my main, visible task was simply preparing food at the prescribed times.

But we provide the crucial "ministry of presence." That is, though we give the girls and their friends a wide berth, we are available. And we keep our ears and eyes attuned to anything that might require adult intervention. I even camped out in the same room for the actual sleepover portion of the festivities rather than leave the girls alone to their own devices. After all, though my daughters and their friends are lovely, trustworthy young ladies, they are still prone because of their youth to become unwittingly caught up in folly (Proverbs 22.15). So it's a parent's job to provide a better path whenever necessary. And we can only do that when we're present.


You may or may not feel comfortable with sleepovers. But I would urge you to consider making your home a place where your maturing kids will choose to gather with their friends.  And be sure to practice the "ministry of presence" when the kids are there. You're not aiming to become one of the gang, so to speak. But you want your kids and their friends to know they've got an ally in you. And they can only know that if you welcome them in and remain available for them while they're there.

Go here for more ways to make God apart of your everyday life and home, and be sure to link up your own ideas below!




About the Author: Tina Hollenbeck and her husband Jeff are raising two daughters and have another waiting for them in the arms of Jesus. Before becoming a mom, Tina taught English to immigrant kids in public secondary schools for nine years, but now she cherishes her role as an at-home wife and mother and also advocates passionately for homeschooling. Tina writes regularly for her blog, Being Made New, and is also the staff writer for Celebrate Kids, Inca Texas-based ministry to parents and educators. In addition, she’s developing a public speaking ministry of her own, and is available to address homeschoolers, women’s groups, and young people on a variety of topics. In her spare time, Tina enjoys singing on her church’s worship team, exercising, and scrapbooking. 


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16 comments:

bluecottonmemory said...

I have all boys - and sleep-overs are a bit more work, a bit more stress - but I wouldn't have it any other way. "Give and it will come back to you, pressed down,shaken together, running over" - My teen's friends knows there's always a pot of soup or grilled cheese or cupcake stashed away for them - and caring conversation - I always hope someone offers to be spiritual parents to my son when he's in their house:)So glad I found you:)

Kathy Shea Mormino said...

Thank you for sharing with the Clever Chicks Blog Hop this week; I hope you’ll join us again!


Cheers,
Kathy Shea Mormino

The Chicken Chick

http://www.The-Chicken-Chick.com



Jen said...

Thanks so much for joining the link party at UNITE today! So glad to have you! Returning the favor & joining the fun! Looking forward to connecting more in days to come! ~ jen

Mia De Vries said...

My son always brought a few friends over to stay for a few days during holidays from university. I understand what you mean by everything being extra and more, but it is sooo rewarding. Over via Jen's.
Much love
Mia

Barb Camp said...

Thank you so much for the invite to link up. I've added you to my weekly party list. Have a WONDERFUL day!
Barb
www.secondchancetodream.com

Debbie @ http://kidsbibledebjackson.blogspot.com/ said...

Thanks for hosting!

Kirsten@One Tough Mother said...

Thank you for the invite to your linky party! I'll definitely stop by regularly :) Love the blog, too - so encouraging!

Misty Kearns said...

How fun! When I was 10 years old we started a tradition of an annual birthday sleepover similar this and continued it until I was 18. My mom especially loved it and being able to minister to my friends. This brought back great memories for me. :) Thanks for linking up at Motivating Monday at CEO of Me last week!

Worthy of the Prize said...

Glad to have you! And I agree, I want my kids friends to want to come to our house!! :)

Worthy of the Prize said...

Definitely! :)

Worthy of the Prize said...

Thanks, Jen! Glad to have you!! :)

Worthy of the Prize said...

I agree, Mia! Thanks for stopping by!! :)

Worthy of the Prize said...

Thanks, Barb! Glad to have you!! :)

Worthy of the Prize said...

You're welcome Debbie! Glad to have you!! :)

Worthy of the Prize said...

Thanks, Kirsten! Glad to have you!! :)

Worthy of the Prize said...

What a great idea, Misty! Thanks for sharing!! :)

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